Still absorbing and processing....... all that great sex and feeling closer to you and knowing you better. Still thinking about all the complexity or seeming complexity of having such an amazingly physically intimate relationship and having that be such a good friendship that sometimes seems to pose possibilities of morphing, because how could it not, given all our conditioning and instincts. Yet, I know that we are where we should be, you and I.

What I still wrestle with is the clear duality in my Home Life. Home Life is wife and family and dog and house and friends and all that I love about my environs. Home Life is also my love relationship that I see more clearly is distorted to the point of dysfunction and about which I know not what to do. We have talked about compartmentalizing one's life and I have always thought about that as my relationship with you vs. my at home self. Now I realize that it is my at home self that is compartmentalized as much as anything; maybe the only significant compartmenting, in fact. I am more congruent with you and who I am with you feels more like who I am at home, except for my relationship to my wife. My relationship with her is compartmented into my wife as a part of the whole Home Life and to my wife as Home Life partner/spouse. When I think of how I behave and think and feel about former compartment, I have this honesty and ease and give and take that I have with you. When I think about how I behave and think and feel with the latter (my wife) compartment, it is always a "work around", a compensating, a bridging of the gap.

Yet, there she is, part of the whole Home Life compartment and I am so fond of that experience of her. How do I deal with the brokenness of the other spouse compartment when it involves the same woman?

This is the insight of this trip. And this is the conundrum I am left with and for which I have no clear notion of the path forward nor the time required to resolve the incongruity.

You know, I honestly think that the 2 hours of straight coupling actually helped bring this out. I was driven to a place of pure instinct and stripped to primality. It was as if the physical grounding in such a basic way made the over-reaching compensation of my mental/emotional constructs about my Home life compartments, more visible as anomalous instead of as normal.

Emyn, I took a big risk taking you on this journey of reflection with me, as I said yesterday, because it could be so hard to be this close to me, looking at the possible changes in my life, and to not wonder how the possibilities might affect you. I know you will try very hard to stay in an objective and mental space on all this, yet I also know that the emotions will take their own journey. That is not to say that you can't trust yourself to know what you want and make good choices, nor does it say that I don't trust you. This is to say that I know that I put a burden on you, increasing your psychological workload, if you will. Please make sure to keep me posted on how you are feeling and what you need from me so that you will be assured that I am being authentic and honest, too.

I will be back on ______, late at night. I will be wrapping up with my client on ______. I hope we can spend some time together. I promise to hold my issues in the background so that I can be really present to you regarding your reactions to Carl's visit, and so we can give ourselves a good, clean-fun workout again, as long as that won't feel like too much on top of Carl's visit.

In the meantime, I hope your thighs recover. I hope your new commitment to physical fitness got a boost from our athletics. I hope your time with Carl works out well and that you come out of it with a good and clear sense of what that relationship means to you.

Here's a hug,

Cliff

I'm home for the weekend and celebrating my return to broadband by visiting all my fave sites. Of course, checking emails and my blogs, too. A reader emailed me, remarking that she is frustrated with her writing skills, even embarrassed by them.

We all can't be writers. But that doesn't mean that you can't express yourself through the written word. The operative term here is express. If you've got something to say and you believe it's important enough to be expressed, then go ahead and express yourself! It's not just the pundits who are allowed to do this. Most of us are pajama bloggers, admittedly, but we all have stories to tell. I suppose you'll have to first determine why you want to express yourself. Is it for appreciation? For attention? For the heck of it? For the fun of it?

I started the TIS blogs for the lack of avenues to sound off on my experiences. I never thought that I'd have readers. I am thrilled, of course, that I have people who've chosen to accompany me on this journey. It makes a huge difference when you write for a readership, no matter how small or scattered or diverse in philosophy and way of life. But the blogs were and are still primarily for me.

It's funny how writing can be like sex. Ability comes from doing, as someone said. I can't remember who. One of those really great writers. Writing is my craft so I take great pains to improve myself in this regard. But, as I've stated before, talent won't get you far without life experiences. Unless you have something to write about, there's no use in writing. Words are only containers; they take the form of what it is you put in them. The stories from your experiences dictate the words, and you have to listen well to get them right.

If you have the itch to tap on that keyboard, you're probably hearing the words already. The next step is to learn the craft of writing and presenting ideas -- not to please an imagined readership, but to satisfy yourself that you have told the story as you've heard it.

Live them first, then listen to your own stories.

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MXRR

hi emyn nice to know that you're back and blogging again... after all you are one of the gifted ones who can actually express what they feel and convey what they want to say in words... i wish i was that lucky... :-)

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basangpanaginip

What an insight.

I like what you said: words are containers. This is so true. "Write what you know" the popular maxim goes.

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simplyjessie

That was insightful. I've also read your links on writting better blogs / better blogging and they've helped a lot!

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Punks

Wow, I am enlightened!! Thanks for the insight.

A reader sent me email asking if squirting can be learned. I don't really know. I do know that you can discover that you can squirt. That's what happened to me. It was Dale who "took me" there. (Big smile on my face here.)

I have fond, fond memories of that first time. I never thought I could reach such orgasmic heights. Of course, I went on to reach higher peaks of delight in subsequent encounters with him, but that first time was truly amazing.

These days, I can make myself squirt only after intense vaginal stimulation. With Tom, whose cock is at least eight inches long and thick, I can squirt while he's fucking me deeply. With Cliff, whose cock is not as impressive (but still very delicious!), I squirt after one or two rounds. With him, I'd need clitoral stimulation which means that I rub my clit myself. Or use the cock's head, which is very delightful indeed! Except that Cliff can't stand it for long periods of time. He says it's just too much to bear.

You'll just have to be relaxed when you try it. You can't force it, either. And you'll have to shed all your inhibitions. When I squirt, the only thing on my mind is pleasuring my own self. For women, this poses as a problem as most of us think that this could be such a turn off for the men. On the contrary, men usually find it sexy that a woman knows what she wants in sex and sets out to get it. It is a BIG turn on for men. Cliff loves it. Dale finds it exciting to watch me make myself cum. Tom goes crazy when I squirt on my own.

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basangpanaginip

Women:

Dry(prudes), wet (normal), wetter, (occasional squitters), wettest (the regular gushers).

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Mr Pogi

oh wow! interesting site here...love it!

toodles!