I spent the day with Cliff on a tour of Corregidor the weekend before he left. I suppose this email says it all. I'm feeling very down at the moment as this job hunting is getting to be very frustrating.
Ah, yes....fond memories of sensual pleasure, emanating throughout the nether regions of my body; of your face, consumed with ecstatic pleasure; of the electrostatic charge of prolonged orgasm - building and discharging in flashes of spasmodic glee.
Goodness. I am drained just reliving it. ;-)
I couldn't help playing with these words and wishing to relive some of it. I found myself wishing we had just one more time together on Sunday.
I also realized that my sense of paradox is stronger, given that I have such free and easy sexual expression with you that is still missing in my life otherwise and that I have this full and wonderful relationship at home with my wife that is still missing sex. The split (bifurcation is the word that comes to mind because it is somehow more dramatic) is almost confusing and tension provoking. Not destructive tension, just disturbing. There is no resolving it from my perspective, because the alternative creates more tension, which is destructive.
So, I am struck by the observation that poets and writers have made at various times: life is strange.
Right now, I am into the notion of embracing the strange and finding in it what is wonderful. I just wish that I didn't have to carry on with experiences in compartments, sealed off from one another. It is hard not to feel that there must therefore be something wrong. It is an effort to remember and to enforce the rationale that somethings are not shared for good reason (i.e. the details of money problems with young children, the details of parental sex lives with children, etc.) because this is not a normally positive application of that rationale.
And, I share all this with you because you are in this with me and because you are you. I hope you don't mind. I know you have told me, but because this is not a situation with which I have a lot of practice, I keep wondering how all this affects you; whether you find yourself holding tension because the situation is a square peg in a round hole (sound familiar?).
In fact the metaphor is really perfect if you imagine a round hole big enough to encompass the square peg even if the fitting of the parts is not as intended by design. Ironically, the physical metaphor that is so obvious and I am sure is running in the back of your mind even as it runs in my mind, is just the opposite. My peg to your hole is round on round, for sure. At home, it is just the opposite: round on square. Oh, how funny!
It was more enjoyable for him. Of course, I did enjoy myself. But that's just it. I enjoyed myself. I really felt, and still feel, very alone.
I was on the fone with Marge the other week and we were talking about relationships. My Carl's in the middle of house building, and Marge's looking to marry this year. It's either an LTR for her or bust! Yes, life is strange.
Anonymous
This post left me speechless with the realization it brought. It's just so true and honest I still can't say a word about it. Perhaps it struck a part of me that wonders how come life is this strange...
Your blog truly is an eye-openner... or at least it brings out the questions one often want to ask.
Emyn Galad
Yeah, Cliff does that to you. He can be very provocative, opening up avenues of possibilities where you never thought any existed. He's very good at this sort of thing. He's a guy who's in touch with his emotions and deals with these emotions very well. He's not scared to admit to their existence, and demands that every encounter deals with the emotions that are invariably elicited.
His email was very honest, wasn't it? All his emails are, though. But this one was more open than the previous ones and deserved to be shared. I liked that part about the split and, yes, bifurcation is the more apt term as the division is really very dramatic. Or radical. That's how I'd describe it.
Anonymous
I still wonder how I came about discovering your blog, but I am extremely happy I did. You write so wonderfully. Reading you is like being you. You bring me to feel your desires till the explosion of your cums through your literary art. Oh, how I wish I could write like you.Emyn Galad
Thank you so much! You're very kind. It's a two-way street, you know. Everyone who writes, does so with his readers in mind. It's funny how readers can inspire just as well as any muse!
the body shot boy
This is quite a refreshing read... I'm really glad I happened upon your blog. Reading your posts will definitely become a habit. You rock!
Emyn Galad
Thank you, TBSBoy! Welcome aboard!...My goodness, but I'm overwhelmed...! LOL! Thank you, all!
